Be Silent

Well, it was one of those days.
The kind where I literally lose my voice, and a child throws up in my recycling bin. That sort of day.
I woke up this morning, and no amount of clearing my throat or coughing made my voice sound any better. One of my students said something funny to me this morning, and I tried to laugh, but all that came out was a evil-sounding cackle. I hope I didn’t frighten them. I really couldn’t talk, much less sing, so my students led themselves in a rousing rendition of “Building up the Temple”, “Deep and Wide”, “Up Up in the Sky”, and “Jesus Loves Me (without the me’s, of course)”. Then they did their memory-work and retold me the story that I told them yesterday (because yesterday I could talk. And so I did things like tell them a Bible story in devotions.) They did really well.
And then one of them threw up. I saw it happening, and grabbed the first thing I saw, which happened to be the recycling box.
Thoughts That Ran Through My Mind At This Point:
-Kids get sick all the time. This is normal. Not unusual. I can handle this. Teachers deal with this sort of thing, and I am a teacher, therefore, I will deal with it. Why am I rubbing her back so furiously and repeatedly saying that “it’s gonna be okay”? I can’t handle this. I am not cut out for this. What am I doing here? I can never be a mother because I don’t think I could take care of a sick kid properly.
And more importantly…
-Do recycling boxes have holes on the bottom? (Turns out, mine doesn’t. Thank goodness. But some might. Ours at home do. I checked. If I was you, I’d check yours. Just to be on the safe side. You never know what you may need to use that blue box for.)
But it was okay. We all survived.
It just felt like a bad day.
This came to mind several times:
Teaching is hard

But it didn’t make me feel any better, because like, I just don’t get the whole Ryan Gosling fascination.

A sidenote (while we’re on the topic of Ryan Gosling anyways):

It just makes me laugh.
It just makes me laugh.

 

Ahem.

So.

I finished the day feeling extremely frustrated with myself and my stupid disappearing voice. (Voice, you think it’s funny that you just took off on me? Well, it’s not funny. Come back. Immediately. I’m going to raise my 5 fingers and count to 5, and by the time I get to 5, I expect you to be back where you belong.)

All day long, I kept catching glimpses of a note on my desk from one of my students’ moms. It was just a note saying that her daughter wouldn’t be at school tomorrow. But it was the way she signed it that caught my attention. “Have a blessed day.” I was convinced that there was nothing about this day that was blessed. Not the way my voice sounded, not a sick kid, not the tone of voice that I kept wanting to use. Nothing blessed about those things.

But after school… my classroom did that pretty thing where it gets all golden, and I stood and looked out the window, and it was so pretty and glowy outside. It was lovely, and I finished up my work and packed it all up, and walked to my car in the golden glowiness, and decided that it was so beautiful that that moment alone made up for the day I had just plowed through. And I thanked God for the moment, and then realized that there are lots of reasons that my day had been blessed, and there are just a lot of reasons in general why I am blessed. So I made a list.

Reasons I, Jasmine Jean Shantz, Am Blessed:

  1. God loves me. I listened to three songs on the way home that reminded me that no matter how bad my day is, I’m not doing this alone, and I really can (and need to) depend on God. “Oh Love that Will Not Let Me Go” by the Westminster Chorus, “Lord, I Need You” by Matt Maher, and “Captured” by The Digital Age. (Quite the random group of songs. =)) Unfortunately, I couldn’t sing along. Due to my missing voice.
  2. I have 16 sets of parents who show their support in various ways. The other day, a very thoughtful mother brought me this wonderful little bouquet, and wrote a nice note with it. She literally made my day. And she wasn’t the first mom to bring me flowers. I’ve never been a huge flower girl. But I think I might be now. IMG_4696
  3. I am so grateful for my car.

    Jasmine Shantz- Successfully spending money since 1994.
    Jasmine Shantz- Successfully spending money since 1994.
  4. There has been a lot of beautiful moments this fall. Moments where I laughed really hard. One of my favourite memories was the afternoon that Wendy and I randomly went for a walk. 20131020_16053120131020_162159IMG_4479IMG_4533IMG_4478
  5. I absolutely love the changing seasons. I love each and every one of them, and right now, I am getting excited about winter. You try being in the same room as 16 first graders and not getting crazily excited every time it snows. It’s hard. They just get so excited and they are just fascinated and delighted by it.
  6.  
    IMG_4741[1]
    Saturday morning it snowed and snowed. It was truly exciting. 
  7. I felt blessed this morning, because when it was time to pray at the end of devotions, someone said that we should pray for all the sick people. And I said, “Good idea! I think I may even pray for myself today!” and one of the little girls put up her hand and said, “I was already going to pray for you, Miss Shantz!” And then at lunch, I had one of them pray, and in his prayer, he forgot to thank God for the food, but remembered to ask God to “help Miss Shantz’s voice get better”. They’re the sweetest. They are also all I ever talk about really. I’m sorry.
  8. This verse has been so encouraging to me lately. Galations 2:20- I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

Have a blessed evening!

4 thoughts on “Be Silent

  1. I’m definitely rushing out to check my recycling bin – I laughed so hard! You NEED to have sawdust in your closet – such a good, concealing sort of scent to that stuff. I’ve been through that ‘teaching in pantomine’ thing, too – the only thing worse than teaching understanding students with a prodigal voice is waitressing demanding diners with a prodigal voice. Glad you could find the blessings in your day. You go, girl!

  2. All those school-teaching feelings! I remember so well, but when I saw all those smiles and big, bright eyes look up at me, I knew it was worth all my efforts. You captured it well in your photo! I love it.
    Seeing the time you got to spend with Wendy, enjoying the fall weather, made me happy too! You bless her life, I’m sure of it.
    Keep up all the good work! You’re doing such a good job, Miss Jasmine. 🙂 I love working with you.

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