Recognition

Horeb. The mount of God.

Tucked inside a cave.

Called out by the word of the Lord.

Go out. Stand on the mount before the Lord.

He stands in the cave.

Straight.

Expectant. Waiting.

But what comes is the unexpected.

Wind.

Great and strong.

Tears and breaks.

Horeb trembles- pieces of the Mount of God fall around him, and he is covered in the dust and marked by sharp pieces. Blood trickles.

Empty wind.

He waits for God.

Still straight. Still expectant.

Once again, Horeb is shaken.

Tremors and quakes.

More.

And more.

Meaningless, obnoxious shaking.

Dizzy. Bloody. Dusty.

Still waiting. Less straight.

Less expectant?

Flames.

Hot. Orange. Searing.

Close.

Too much smoke and not enough air.

Choking, billowing smoke.

And reprieve.

Bent.

Smoky and sweaty and dizzy and bloody and dusty.

Eyes of tears.

Patience grates.

Waiting hurts.

God?

Then it comes.

It does.

A low whisper. Familiar.

Something inside him recognizes and responds to it.

Small and blessedly still.

But it fills. Fills the cracks and caves and him and the mount of God is covered with the quiet voice of God.

More powerful than everything else he has seen and felt.

It clears and cleanses and steadies and reassures.

He covers his face in his cloak.

Still smoky.

Steps out.

Bold and humble.

Out of the cave.

Into God.

Sigh.

I am bored.

The type of bored which leaves my windowsill full of mugs because I keep making hot drinks to occupy myself.

The type of bored in which I sit and scroll up and down my Facebook newsfeed, wondering why no one is posting anything new. 

The type of bored which provides me with time to overthink both the terrible and wonderful things in my life.

The type of bored in which I go outside and clear off my car and try to drive forward, just to see if my car can make it through the snow. (It can’t.)

The type of bored in which I voluntarily take the compost out to the compost bin for my mother in the ridiculous cold and snow.

The type of bored which doesn’t allow me to focus on any one thing.

The annoying thing is… there’s things I could do. Penmanship tests saying “mark me and then enter the grades on sycamore!”. A treadmill saying “Use me! You haven’t used me since, well, the first time that you used me.” Thank you cards that I should write. A monthly report that I should have done.

It’s just that I didn’t want to do any of those things. I don’t know what I want to do! Isn’t this awful?

I feel awful and ungrateful. I do appreciate these snow days. I really do! They have been very relaxing. I just feel all restless.

I have not been bored for a long time. In fact, the past months have been exceptionally busy. And I must say, free time is so much more exciting when you don’t really have any. What is really awful is when you are sick of being at home, but yet you definitely do not feel like you want to return to your normal routine. And so you know that you should be happy where you are, but something inside you just doesn’t feel content.

I really think it’s time for me to get back to a normal schedule.

Sigh.

My current state of boredom has prompted me to write about today’s Daily Prompt, which was to use the colors of the rainbow in either something you write or a photo. Daily Prompts always show up in my Reader and sometimes they look fun, but I rarely do them. Today’s didn’t particularly intrigue me, but for some reason, it is the one thing that I both started and finished today. I am not particularly proud of it. All I did was take the ROY G. BIV colors, and think about what each color made me think of.  It was kind of fun, I guess. If I would be my regular self, I would have probably thoroughly enjoyed it, and done a better job. But I clearly am not quite myself today. Or yesterday. Or even Sunday. Be warned. I am not myself these days. I haven’t quite figured out who exactly I am yet, but I am not a huge fan of them, and I want to go back to being me.

And without any further ado, we have colors.

Red like dresses and lips and bold and teapots and warm and Lindors.

Orange like Doritos and oranges and fun and fabric from Guatemala and sticky notes and sunsets.

Yellow like sunshine and smiley faces and balloons and daffodils and Easter.

Green like t-shirts and growth and Ireland and grass and alive and mint.

Blue like peace and sky and rain and sleep.

Indigo like children gathering around me saying “What’s indigo? Do I have indigo on me?” Does anyone actually know what color indigo is?

Violet like Boxcar Children and soft and sweet and clean and fields of lavender. 

It is surprising how some of the colors really don’t hold much meaning for me. Like blue? I had to work to think of things that I associate with blue. Which is weird because it’s a common color and one of my favourites.

Anyways.

Time to stop this pointless using of words.

But before I leave, I’d like to put in a good word for routine and work. Apparently I need it in order to feel happy and accomplished and productive.

Here is to the ordinary, the scheduled, the routine, the consistency, the pattern, the predictable (yet so unpredictable!).

Here is to the regular.

I’ll have one large regular day, please. And can I get a zarf for that, so that I don’t hurt my hands? Because although I would like a regular day, I’m not quite sure I’m ready to handle it without a little bit of protection, just to kind of help ease me back into real life.

(Hee hee. Now you need to google the definition of zarf, don’t you?)

Us

You know how there are some people in life who are just awesome? And the more time you spend with them, the more wonderful they become? And when you’re not with them, you kind of wish that you still were with them? And when you are with them, something about it just feels really right and fun and you feel like you want to be the best person you can possibly be, because you want to be everything to them that they are to you?

Well.

I have found a person like that.

And his name is Ricky. Isn’t that just an awesome name?

This is what we look like together.
This is what we look like together. You might as well know that this boy just makes me want to smile and smile. That’s all there is to it. He’s just that wonderful.

Allow me to tell you a little bit about Ricky.

The first thing you should know is that he is awesome. I’ve been hinting at that fact, but I thought that I should just come right out and say it, just so that we’re all on the same page here.

Ricky is, perhaps, the funniest person I know. Which has worked out really well, because I like to laugh and he’s very good at making me laugh. I like our random conversations, and I like the random things that we sometimes do. Hey, look how icy Dad’s car is. Hey, if you break a chunk of ice off and let it drop onto the driveway, it makes a really cool shattering noise. Like glass! I want to try it too. (Insert moment where we both stand contentedly dropping sheets of ice onto the driveway.) Or… Look at that cottage’s giant icicle!!! Do you think our cottage has one too? Hey, it does! Wouldn’t it be cool to break it off at the top? But how? You can stand on my leg. But I might hurt you! I don’t want to hurt you. You won’t hurt me. But all of me standing on your leg might hurt! It won’t hurt. I’m not going to do it. Okay. But how will we get the icicle? How do you know it wouldn’t hurt if I stood on your leg? It won’t hurt. Okay. I’m going to do it. This would be a dumb way to die. (The icicle broke on the way down, if anyone was able to follow that at all and wondered about the outcome.)

Ricky is also very smart. And very good at that dot game that he has on his phone. Gah. Or maybe I am just very bad at that dot game. Anyways… I figure that Ricky is logical and strategic enough for the two of us. =) And we are good at sledding together! With Ricky, even things that I don’t actually like to do are fun. I might even like to play games with him! And hockey… it’s okay with him there.

Another nice thing about dating Ricky is that he comes with exceptionally wonderful people. =)
Another nice thing about dating Ricky is that he comes with exceptionally wonderful people who spend a lot of time saying things like “Boomba” and “Chimmy”. (I don’t know if I spelled those right or not…) You actually get used to it pretty quickly! And when they hand you something… they like to make sure that it is in you hand before they let it go. They are very considerate like that. =)

 

I'm telling you... they are just nice! If they ever ask you if you want to to go a cottage with them for a few days, you should definitely say yes, because you will have a lot of fun and be very glad that you went. Also, did you notice that our angry birds match our sweaters? And the reason that my mouth looks so weird is because it just really wants to smile, because of the whole "Ricky makes me want to smile" effect, and also because I knew that Kayleen's eyes and eyebrows were doing something pretty awesome on the other side of me.
I’m telling you… they are just nice! If they ever ask you if you want to to go a cottage with them for a few days, you should definitely say yes, because you will have a lot of fun and be very glad that you went. Also, did you notice that our angry birds match our sweaters? And the reason that my mouth looks so weird is because it just really wants to smile, because of the whole “Ricky makes me want to smile” effect, and also because I knew that Kayleen’s eyes and eyebrows were doing something pretty awesome on the other side of me.

So where were we? Ricky is awesome, Ricky is funny, Ricky is smart… ah, yes.

Ricky is very brave. And he makes me feel braver too! One time, before I was going to something that I was feeling kind of scared about, Ricky told me to be brave. And now, whenever I am scared or worried about something, I find my inner Ricky voice and say “Be brave” to myself. Why is Ricky brave? Ricky is brave because he is living in Guatemala, and he learned Spanish, and does lots of important things there, like teaching and making bunk beds. And I think that if you are willing to leave your family and all the things that are familiar and go learn new things far away because you believe it is what God has for you to do… then you are brave.

There are a lot of other things that I like about Ricky too. Like he’s just a nice person. All the time. To everyone.

That might have been one of the reasons I started to like him. Way back when I was in grade 11, and he was in grade 12, we went on a missions trip to Guatemala, and we were in the same group for something, and we ended up sitting together in the van, and did lots of talking while we drove, and I remember being kind of amazed that awkward me felt so unawkward with Ricky, and I decided that it’s because he is just nice and very comfortable to be with.

That was the beginning.

And now…

We are dating. (Isn’t that a great story? =))

I am going to put some of my favourite pictures of us here, because I love to look at them, and so naturally, I assume that everyone else wants to see them as well.

He makes me so happy that the vein in my forehead shows up!
He makes me so happy that the vein in my forehead shows up!
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We look happy in sepia too!

picture006

DSC00906
It is harder than one might expect to take a nice picture while in a car. You might have to take quite a few pictures in your attempt to get a good one. It is not an unpleasant experience at all! Plus, then you have a lot of pictures as well as the memory of the time that you tried to take a picture in a car. Every couple should try it. 

If we had a picture of us sledding, I would put it right here. But we don’t.

RickyandJas

So that is that.

Ricky and Jas.

I like him a lot. And I hope God isn’t getting tired of hearing me say, “Thank you for Ricky even though I really don’t deserve him.” Because I find myself often thanking God for putting this wonderful boy in my life.

Best Christmas holidays ever. =)