I am bored.
The type of bored which leaves my windowsill full of mugs because I keep making hot drinks to occupy myself.
The type of bored in which I sit and scroll up and down my Facebook newsfeed, wondering why no one is posting anything new.
The type of bored which provides me with time to overthink both the terrible and wonderful things in my life.
The type of bored in which I go outside and clear off my car and try to drive forward, just to see if my car can make it through the snow. (It can’t.)
The type of bored in which I voluntarily take the compost out to the compost bin for my mother in the ridiculous cold and snow.
The type of bored which doesn’t allow me to focus on any one thing.
The annoying thing is… there’s things I could do. Penmanship tests saying “mark me and then enter the grades on sycamore!”. A treadmill saying “Use me! You haven’t used me since, well, the first time that you used me.” Thank you cards that I should write. A monthly report that I should have done.
It’s just that I didn’t want to do any of those things. I don’t know what I want to do! Isn’t this awful?
I feel awful and ungrateful. I do appreciate these snow days. I really do! They have been very relaxing. I just feel all restless.
I have not been bored for a long time. In fact, the past months have been exceptionally busy. And I must say, free time is so much more exciting when you don’t really have any. What is really awful is when you are sick of being at home, but yet you definitely do not feel like you want to return to your normal routine. And so you know that you should be happy where you are, but something inside you just doesn’t feel content.
I really think it’s time for me to get back to a normal schedule.
My current state of boredom has prompted me to write about today’s Daily Prompt, which was to use the colors of the rainbow in either something you write or a photo. Daily Prompts always show up in my Reader and sometimes they look fun, but I rarely do them. Today’s didn’t particularly intrigue me, but for some reason, it is the one thing that I both started and finished today. I am not particularly proud of it. All I did was take the ROY G. BIV colors, and think about what each color made me think of. It was kind of fun, I guess. If I would be my regular self, I would have probably thoroughly enjoyed it, and done a better job. But I clearly am not quite myself today. Or yesterday. Or even Sunday. Be warned. I am not myself these days. I haven’t quite figured out who exactly I am yet, but I am not a huge fan of them, and I want to go back to being me.
And without any further ado, we have colors.
Red like dresses and lips and bold and teapots and warm and Lindors.
Orange like Doritos and oranges and fun and fabric from Guatemala and sticky notes and sunsets.
Yellow like sunshine and smiley faces and balloons and daffodils and Easter.
Green like t-shirts and growth and Ireland and grass and alive and mint.
Blue like peace and sky and rain and sleep.
Indigo like children gathering around me saying “What’s indigo? Do I have indigo on me?” Does anyone actually know what color indigo is?
Violet like Boxcar Children and soft and sweet and clean and fields of lavender.
It is surprising how some of the colors really don’t hold much meaning for me. Like blue? I had to work to think of things that I associate with blue. Which is weird because it’s a common color and one of my favourites.
Time to stop this pointless using of words.
But before I leave, I’d like to put in a good word for routine and work. Apparently I need it in order to feel happy and accomplished and productive.
Here is to the ordinary, the scheduled, the routine, the consistency, the pattern, the predictable (yet so unpredictable!).
Here is to the regular.
I’ll have one large regular day, please. And can I get a zarf for that, so that I don’t hurt my hands? Because although I would like a regular day, I’m not quite sure I’m ready to handle it without a little bit of protection, just to kind of help ease me back into real life.
(Hee hee. Now you need to google the definition of zarf, don’t you?)