It doesn’t take long.
For newness to wear off.
And here I am
In a place
That doesn’t yet feel quite
Like it fits.
I don’t have a library card.
I am scared of going grocery shopping. (Someday I’m not going to have a looney with me and how will I get a shopping cart and then what? Huh, people? THEN WHAT?)
I have a job but I’m never quite sure if I’m doing it right.
Why are there always so many people walking everywhere? (I think I would feel much more comfortable in the city if there were fewer people.)
But I’ve been to Ikea three times
And I’ve been to Dollarama twice.
I’ve seen it rain here.
I’ve felt the cloaking humidity.
I’ve laughed here,
And I’ve felt like crying here.
These things count for something.
Tonight the air smells like the most like fall that it has all year,
And the sky is deep dark blue
And the street lamps are a friendly shade of orange
And the wind feels like
It’s got something mysterious tangled up in it.
I’ve been hiding away in our apartment,
And I’m tired of the way that feels.
So I lace up my shoes.
I strap on my armband.
And out I go into the night.
There are people to run past.
There are stop signs and crosswalks
And many vehicles pulling into their driveways. (I like the thought of all those people coming home, because coming home is such a good feeling.)
The warmth comes to my muscles at a different time than that other route I used to run,
But it still comes and running isn’t stiff anymore,
The tiredness and the bursts of energy also arrive at different points than I am used to,
But they are familiar when they come.
It sure would be easy to trip and fall
As I run
On these unfamiliar, uneven sidewalks
In the blue evening light.
But if I watch where I’m going,
I’ll be fine.
The ups and the downs and ins and outs are different.
But they are also kind of the same.
Running in a new place isn’t so bad, after all.
When it’s all said and done,
I sit outside my door (right under the light even though anyone driving by could see me),
And I think about how
This place has seen me sweat
And heard me breathe hard
And felt my feet pound.
It feels just a little bit more like I belong with this place.
It feels like…
I want to do this again.