One time at work, I walked around a corner just in time to witness a wonderful moment. You see, we make blueberry pies. And we also make elderberry pies. And blueberry pie filling and elderberry pie filling have the tendency to look a lot alike once the pies are baked. So in order to be able to tell the two apart, we always put a little square of dough in the center of the blueberry pies, and leave the elderberry pies unmarked. It is a brilliant system. So one day, I walked around the corner just in time to witness Amber fishing a little square of dough off of an elderberry pie and saying “No, no, little guy. You’ve got it all wrong!” (Obviously I mocked her about the fact that she was talking to a piece of dough.)
But the other day, I realized something.
And it truly felt like God was fishing me out of all my confusion and my ideas of how I should be and my attempts to impress others and my failures and saying, “No, no, little girl. You’ve got it all wrong.” He said it nicely. Very gently.
As I was getting ready for bed, I had happened to notice the “fruits of the spirit” poster that I had made. The fruits of the spirit…
I always thought that if I worked at demonstrating those qualities, I would feel God’s presence in my life much more acutely. But duh-they’re called the fruits of the Spirit. They come from having the Spirit in your life. The Spirit doesn’t come from having those qualities.
This explains some things.
Like why I’ve felt so overwhelmed and like I will never be able to love God as much as others do.
It’s because I haven’t been inviting God into my life. I’ve been trying to do all the right stuff (motivated once again by wanting to impress others, and obviously falling flat on my face time after time).
But without God….
No wonder it all felt useless and hopeless and overwhelming.
Sometimes I can be so dense.